


Expendable

by MizzyTee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Sad Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6633310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizzyTee/pseuds/MizzyTee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel thinks over everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expendable

_ “I’m an angel of the lord.” _

_ skip _

_ “I’m just me.” _

_ skip _

_ “I’m nothing.” _

~~~

Castiel sat patiently in his mind’s version of the Winchesters’ kitchen. He knew that Lucifer was out doing possibly damaging things in his body, but it will all be worth it in due time. This was the only way to redeem himself. He had to die. Not plainly, of course. He had to die to save everyone from the Darkness. After all, that’s all he was good for.

_ ‘Expendable,’  _ he thought. Yeah, that fit perfectly.

Over time, he realized that he was handy to everyone. Although it was true that the Winchesters loved him to an extent, it was obvious that they didn’t care in the way he cared about him. Nothing hurt him worse than the revelation of his friends’ true feelings toward him. Not hostile but not completely familial.

Castiel knew that something wrong happened over the years. He went from an almighty angel to an item. He wouldn’t change any of his choices, though. They were all for the wellness of his friends- no, his loved ones. He loved all of them. Each one that died and each one that still lived.

His television show droned on and on to the point that he was barely listening, but it was his best bet at waiting. He watched on without much enthusiasm until something weird happened. He could’ve sworn he saw Dean’s face flash across the screen.

His face scrunched up in curiosity until he wrote it off as another hallucination. He had no idea why Lucifer continued these charades. It was obvious that Castiel had no fight left in him.

The first few days Lucifer was in Castiel’s body, Castiel wanted to let him make the big decisions and Castiel would have control the rest of the time. It didn’t take long for Lucifer to beat that out of him. It’s not like he had anything to keep him on the surface of consciousness anyway. However, from time to time, Lucifer would send Castiel some type of hallucination to keep him in check. Castiel thought the Lucifer was just beating a dead horse, but he would still fall for some of them.

Within the next few minutes, he heard his name being called.

“Castiel?” Crowley asked lightly, dazed in confusion.

He looked over to see Crowley slowly approaching.  _ ‘Yet another hallucination’ _ .

“Oh, Crowley, what are you doing here?” Castiel decided to play along. This new hallucination was slightly more entertaining than the television show.

“This is the Winchesters’ kitchen,” Crowley stated in disbelief instead of replying.

“Sort of, I come here in my mind to pass the time. For some reason it has excellent reception,” Castiel answered. Already losing interest, he leaned into his hand and continued watching the television.

“What’s wrong with you? What has Lucifer done to you?”

Why would he ask that? Castiel was perfectly fine. At least, as fine as a man that has accepted that he will soon be completely obliterated could be. This was certainly a weird hallucination.

“He mostly just leaves me alone,” Castiel grunted, “I’m just waiting here, you know, for the battle, the Darkness.”

Could this be more than a hallucination? Castiel tried not to get his hopes up.

“He’s really got his hooks in you. Snap out of it! Do you know what’s happening out there? The Winchesters have trapped the abomination so you can expel him so they can put him back in the cage.”

“Well that doesn’t sound like a very good idea,” Castiel replied with slightly more interest than before.

“In your current state, you’re in no position to judge,” Crowley chastised.

This couldn’t possibly be another hallucination. Crowley was really inside his body! Castiel began to put two and two together.

“Wait, that was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn’t it?” Castiel asked. He finally looked back at Crowley.

“Yes!”

“And he wants me to expel Lucifer?”

“Yes!!”

Castiel pondered this until he chuckled humorlessly. He looked back at his television.

“Wow, he may have a more objective view of the situation,” he smiled at the hilarity of the situation, “Maybe I should.” Castiel didn’t really mean this. Why would he give up all he’s worked up to? Dean didn’t understand his sacrifice as per usual.

“So let’s do it now, before it’s too late,” said Crowley.

“It already is,” Lucifer stated as he entered the imaginary room.

At that point, Castiel stopped listening. He knew what he was doing. He needed to do this. He needed to prove his self worth. He needed to be what everyone already knew he was.  **Expendable.**


End file.
